We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
