I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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