Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
