So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
