Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
