She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
this boner is exhausting
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
