walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
