stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
