TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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