just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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