we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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