All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
