I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
