Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
