dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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