Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize