Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
