Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Randomize
