i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
