My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
