I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
