never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
