woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
