And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
