so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
