they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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