That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
