see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
