even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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