I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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