i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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