Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
