this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize