My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
