I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
