I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
