literally had 100 drinks last night.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
