Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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