i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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