And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
