it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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