I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
