Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
