We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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