Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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