I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
