I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
