Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
