I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
