you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
