Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
