So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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