How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
