that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
