I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
