i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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