The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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