i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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