i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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