This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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