it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
