Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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