Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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