Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
