nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
